It was definitely a bad day.

I don’t know how I ended up here. Last night I didn’t go to bed until after 6am. I had a final exam to take at 10:30 and it was not pretty. I woke up with a horrible migraine, but still managed to go. I don’t even remember taking the exam. It was one of those migraines where you feel so nauseous, but getting up to go to the toilet is an even worse plan. So instead of taking medication on a completely empty stomach, I tried to go back to sleep. I woke up every half hour and still felt as bad. I felt really awful because I had all these plans to do that absolutely needed to be done but I couldn’t get out of bed. Finally after hours and hours of laying in bed suffering, I asked my roommate for an ice pack for my head. About an hour later I was feeling fine, but that was around 6:30pm. My whole day was practically wasted. All I did was go to the dining hall to eat and do some laundry. I didn’t have enough energy to do anything else. It makes me feel 10 times more anxious when I don’t do anything I was supposed to do. I also knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. Which is completely true.

On a side note, I’ve been listening to classical music to go to bed. I think it’s something about the instrumentals that calm me. There are no words I have to pay attention to. Just soothing background music that distracts me long enough to get tired. I’m not sure how long it will last, but it’s just another thing on my list to scratch off for my therapist. He needs to believe I really am trying.

I have to get up at a reasonable time tomorrow. That’s going to be extremely hard for me. I have to pack all the stuff I was supposed to do this week into tomorrow. That gets my anxiety level up to about a 10 out of 10.

I don’t know, it’s just been a really bad week for me.

Being self aware

I can’t sleep. So here’s a whole list of things I think I am/have.

Commitment issues, abandonment issues, extremist, selfless, full of huge ideas that never go anywhere, humanistic, lazy, lack of will power, damaged, mentally unstable, manipulative, good liar, concerned with getting people to like me, naive, annoyingly positive, persistent, abrasive, blunt, opinionated, annoying accent, resilient, sexually unstable, confused.

It’s not a particularly good post, but I need to go to sleep.